DNP Project References

References

Adib-Hajbaghery, M., & Tahmouresi, M. (2018). Nurse–patient relationship based on the imogene king’s theory of goal attainment. Nursing and Midwifery Studies, 7(3), 141. https://doi.org/10.4103/nms.nms_10_17

Agyemang, S. O., Ninnoni, J. P. K., Bennin, L., Agyare, E., Gyimah, L., Senya, K., Birikorang, E., Quarshie, E. N., Baddoo, N. A., Addo, S. A., & Obiri‐yeboah, D. (2022). Prevalence and associations of depression, anxiety, and stress among people living with HIV: A hospital‐based analytical cross‐sectional study. Health Sciences Report, 5(5). https://doi.org/10.1002/hsr2.754

Ali, S., Aquino-Adriatico, G., Lewis-White, R., Stoker, C., Arms, D., Grant, C., & Green-Sofola, L. (2021). Multilevel factors associated with anxiety symptoms among people living with HIV in the US South. AIDS Care, 34(6), 805–811. https://doi.org/10.1080/09540121.2021.1924352

Barroso, J., Bengtson, A. M., Gaynes, B. N., McGuinness, T. M., Quinlivan, E. B., Ogle, M., Heine, A., Thielman, N. M., & Pence, B. W. (2015). Improvements in Depression and Changes in Fatigue: Results from the SLAM DUNC Depression Treatment Trial. Aids and Behavior, 20(2), 235–242. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10461-015-1242-4

Brandt, C. P., Paulus, D. J., Lopez-Gamundi, P., Green, C., Lemaire, C., & Zvolensky, M. J. (2019). HIV Anxiety Reduction/Management Program (HAMRT): pilot randomized controlled trial. Aids Care-psychological and Socio-medical Aspects of Aids/Hiv, 31(12), 1527–1532. https://doi.org/10.1080/09540121.2019.1597962

Brooks, M. J., Burmen, B., Olashore, A. A., Gezmu, A. M., Molebatsi, K., Tshume, O., Phoi, O., Morales, K., Matshaba, M., Benton, T., & Lowenthal, E. D. (2023). Symptoms of depression, anxiety, and thoughts of suicide/self-injury in adolescents and young adults living with HIV in Botswana. African Journal of AIDS Research, 22(1), 54–62. https://doi.org/10.2989/16085906.2023.2186252

Clinical Practice Review for GAD | Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA. Retrieved February 27, 2023. https://adaa.org/resources-professionals/practice-guidelines-gad

HIV & AIDS Trends and U.S. Statistics Overview. (2023, December 7). HIV.gov. Retrieved March 28, 2024, from https://www.hiv.gov/hiv-basics/overview/data-and-trends/statistics

Marbaniang, I., Sangle, S., Nimkar, S., Zarekar, K., Salvi, S., Chavan, A., Gupta, A., Suryavanshi, N., & Mave, V. (2020). The burden of anxiety among people living with HIV during the COVID-19 pandemic in Pune, India. BMC Public Health, 20(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-020-09656-8

McQuaid, J., Lin, E., Barber, J., Breland-Noble, A., Cuijpers, P., Greenberg, L., Jones, V., Kessler, M., Mufson, L., Nezu, A., Reynolds, C., III, & Scogin, F. (2019). APA Clinical Practice Guideline for the Treatment of Depression across Three Age Cohorts [Dataset]. In PsycEXTRA Dataset. American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/e505892019-001

Mendez, N. A., Mayo, D., & Safren, S. A. (2021). Interventions Addressing Depression and HIV-Related Outcomes in People with HIV. Current HIV/AIDS Reports, 18(4), 377–390. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11904-021-00559-w

Oh, K. S., Lee, J. S., Kim, H. C., Kang, H., Lee, J., & Han, E. (2023). Effects of depression on medication adherence in HIV/AIDS patients: Korea HIV/AIDS cohort study. Journal of Infection and Public Health, 16(10), 1598–1605. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jiph.2023.07.018

Plasma HIV-1 RNA (Viral load) and CD4 count monitoring | NIH. (2022, September 21). Guidelines for the Use of Antiretroviral Agents in Adults and Adolescents With HIV. Retrieved July 20, 2023, from https://clinicalinfo.hiv.gov/en/guidelines/hiv-clinical-guidelines-adult-and-adolescent-arv/plasma-hiv-1-rna-cd4-monitoring

Pence, B. W., Gaynes, B. N., Williams, Q. I., Modi, R., Adams, J. A., Quinlivan, E. B., Heine, A., Thielman, N. M., & Mugavero, M. J. (2012). Assessing the effect of Measurement-Based Care depression treatment on HIV medication adherence and health outcomes: Rationale and design of the SLAM DUNC Study. Contemporary Clinical Trials, 33(4), 828–838. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cct.2012.04.002

Powers, M. P., Becker, E. B., Gorman, J. G., Kissen, D. K., & Smits, J. S. (2015, July 2). Clinical Practice review for GAD | Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA. Clinical Practice Review for GAD. Retrieved September 19, 2023, from https://adaa.org/resources-professionals/practice-guidelines-gad

Spies, G., Asmal, L., & Seedat, S. (2013). Cognitive-behavioural interventions for mood and anxiety disorders in HIV: A systematic review. Journal of Affective Disorders, 150(2), 171–180. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2013.04.018

Thai, T. T., Jones, M. K., Harris, L. M., & Heard, R. (2016). Prevalence and correlates of symptoms of mental disorders in Vietnamese HIV positive patients. Journal of Hiv/Aids & Social Services, 16(1), 43–59. https://doi.org/10.1080/15381501.2015.1107800

Wei, L., Yan, H., Guo, M., Tian, J., He, Y., Zhai, M., Zhu, B., Yin, X., Liao, Y., & Yu, B. (2022). Perceived HIV Stigma, Depressive Symptoms, Self-esteem, and Suicidal Ideation Among People Living with HIV/AIDS in China: a Moderated Mediation Modeling Analysis. Journal of Racial and Ethnic Health Disparities, 10(2), 671–679. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40615-022-01255-0

Wykowski, J., Kemp, C. G., Velloza, J., Rao, D., & Drain, P. K. (2019). Associations between anxiety and Adherence to Antiretroviral Medications in Low- and Middle-Income Countries: A Systematic review and Meta-analysis. AIDS and Behavior, 23(8), 2059–2071. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10461-018-02390-8

Zhang, Y., Chai, C., Xiong, J., Zhang, L., Zheng, J., Zhang, N., & Wang, Y. (2023). The impact of anxiety, depression, and social support on the relationship between HIV-related stigma and mental health-related quality of life among Chinese patients: a cross-sectional, moderate-mediation study. BMC Psychiatry (Online), 23(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-023-05103-1

What We Do Not See

I’m writing this with a lot of mixed emotions during this holiday season. Things I have been praying for have not come to pass yet, friends have lost loved ones, I have lost patients over this year, it appears that I will still be in this time of singleness another holiday season, and recently I received some heartbreaking news. . .so far, this Christmas season is not shaping up all that great.

Yet I still have hope!

During my time reading my Bible, I came across Romans 8:24-25 – “For in hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what is seen? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience (verses 24-25)”.

We hope in what we do not see and we wait patiently for it. Bold and powerful words when you think about why we celebrate the birth of Christ.

Hope is probably one of those words you hear quite often: “I hope I get this job promotion; I hope that this party goes well; I hope they really aren’t going to wear that; I hope that she/he will say yes”. The list goes on about the many ways we use the word hope. But have you really thought about the weight of that word.

When I read this passage, I was struck by the question “who hopes in what is seen”? Hope in what we see isn’t hope, but rather the physical manifestation of what ever is present. Hope, as Paul states, is in what we do not see or have.

Even though Paul is talking about salvation, this principle can be applied to other areas of our lives as well.

After hundreds of years of waiting for the promised Messiah, Christ bursts onto the scene. Not as a warrior king with a grand army behind Him but rather an infant wrapped in swaddling cloths in a manger (Not exactly what the Jews were looking for when they read their prophecies). Even though the Messiah did not come into the world as people wanted, He brought something more than any army, king, or country could ever provide. . . salvation and redemption!

This time of the year is supposed to be a time of hope for all! Hope for the alcoholic, for the adulterer, for the murderer, for the sex addict, for the person strung out on drugs, for the mother and father whom have lost a child, to the single waiting for a spouse, to the married couple that is on the verge of divorce, to the {insert scenario here}. Jesus comes crashing into the our lives and meets us in the middle of our mess! What’s even more amazing and beautiful is that He doesn’t leave us there.

The beauty of Christ’ birth is the return of Hope to a world that had lost it. We all have our sins, troubles, hang-ups, and shortcomings that we bring to the table. Yet God, in His love, draws us unto Himself through Christ where He forgive us, picks us up, and redeems those broken areas we hate. Not because we have done amazing things to impress Him, but because HE IS LOVE!

So if you are hurting this Christmas season, I would encourage you to hope again. Seek God and His kingdom first. Continue to stumble forward in your walk with Him. Trust that He is doing a refining work in your heart as you seek Him, and therefore, hope in what you do not yet see and then wait patiently for it.

What DID Jesus Do?

     I write this after an emotional month filled with happy times and joy but more so grief, anger, and many tears. For any who know me, I am not political by any means because it is not one of my strong points. I would also say I’m not as patriotic as many people I know yet I do love my country and am thankful for the freedoms I enjoy. With that being said, I found myself angry more so than I have been in a long time. Much of that anger stemmed from the NFL protests that have been going on for more than a year but recently have escalated. I would tell you where I land on this debate but if I were to say, one way or another, you won’t feel the gravity of what I want to say. 

   After one of the MANY arguments with friends on this topic, I came to realization waking up this morning: my anger and frustration comes from trying to argue from man’s perspective and not from Christ’ perspective. 

     There are Christian aspects of the NFL protest on both sides but they are under the guise of civil rights or patriotism. One friend, with whom I had a very lively debate, said this “Let me put it all this way: If Jesus were standing on the sidelines of a football field, and the call to the flag and the anthem came, I think He would kneel. He wouldn’t kneel because of our reasons, He would kneel to be with the broken-hearted on ALL sides”! This includes the soldier, the vet, the cops, the football players, the mother, the daughter, son, and fathers, the married, the single, the widow, etc. 

     After reflecting on this and really looking at the life of Christ, I would say I have to agree. 

      Jesus did not come to back an ideology, a certain political movement, or even philosophical movement. He came to rescue the lost by pointing them to the Cross! Trying to say Jesus was strictly Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Green Party, etc, reduces Emmanuel, “God with us”, to nothing more than a human with our own limitations. We were created in HIS image but often times, we keep trying to make God into OUR image. 

     Jesus met people in the middle of the mess of their lives BUT He did not leave them there. He was about the business of His Father and proclaiming the Kingdom of Heaven; calling all to repent and return to the Lord! He was loved by the outcast because He bore their burdens and made them feel loved (which is something EVERYONE desires), and He was hated by the religious elite because He called them out on their hypocrisy. YET in both situations, He calls them to repent and return! 

    So my question to all who claim to believe is not ‘what would Jesus do’ but rather ‘What DID Jesus do’. 

     Ultimately, He calls us all to something greater than our identity as Americans, as black, white, liberal, conservative, rich, poor, etc. He calls us to believe in Him and His sacrifice for us so that we can go forth and share the Good News while daily stumbling forward to be shaped and molded into His likeness! It will not be a perfect walk BUT grace is there to pick you up and push you onward for those times when you fall short!

Much needed Grace

     Warning – I am not here to push any political agenda or ideology. I believe I am sharing what I feel God is continuing to remind me of.

    This past weekend has been tragic, full of hate, anger, and just about every other negative emotion that one can think. The tragic events surrounding the town of Charlottesville, VA only echo the fact that we live in a fallen world, and hate still courses through the hearts of many in our country. Even more disheartening have been the multiple posts/comments seen on various social media sites. A combination of all of this led me to ask myself this question, “how do I respond to ALL of it”?

    Honestly, I feel a mixture of sadness and anger. It’s 2017 and STILL there are fools out there spewing hate and drawing people to their side because they are  “brave” enough to say what others are afraid to say. I’m saddened by this because many have fought and died for this country AND I feel like this spits in the face of their sacrifice. What’s worse, is that when I look at my own heart towards this, I’m saddened by my own thoughts towards those who would do these things. If I can be honest, I would execute every single one of them! NO trial, NO jury, just straight to execution! This saddens me because it only shows that my heart has just as much evil as the ALT-right nazis as well as other hate-groups.

    But then, I look to the Cross and start to come grips with some truths:

1. Christ did not come to overthrow the government! He came so that those who were lost (which is all of us) would be found and brought back to their Heavenly Father. If you read The Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7), you won’t find this sermon with easy, practical steps to godliness but some extremely difficult commands to follow. No analogies or metaphors, just Jesus raising the bar for holiness!
2. Romans 3:23 says “for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God”. Not some sinned. Not some have sinned less or worse but ALL HAVE SINNED. The hard part about accepting this truth is that we want to assign levels of sin.”Well they are spewing hate, trying to kill people, etc. I only have done (insert sin here)”. True some sins are worse than others (from a human standpoint) but in the eyes of God, sin is sin. To Him, sin is ANYTHING that separates us from Him. It is extremely hard to accept looking upon a person lustfully, lying, stealing is just as bad a murder to God. I would say for many this would even seem unfair AND unloving of God. But it is important to get this because you begin to see the total depravity of our world and of yourself (I count myself in this too). God is holy and just (not two of His most popular attributes) but He is also merciful AND gracious towards us.
3. Romans 5:8 tells us “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”. Sinners can be replaced with enemies, which makes this statement sting even more. While we were His enemies, Christ died for us. In the middle of the mess our lives, Christ comes crashing in, reaches out to us, pulls us out of the muck and mire then places us on solid ground so that we can continue to walk in the light. Not because we earned or deserved it but because GOD IS LOVE!

     The Gospel speaks to me in the middle of this craziness because it reminds me that Christ died so that I can am redeemed and made righteous before God because I believe in Him. BUT it also gives me hope because if God can work in my hard heart then he can work in ANYONE’S heart.

     In the mean time, as a believer, I will “pray for those who persecute me”, and do my best to “act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with my Lord”. This means standing up when injustice occurs, showing others the same grace that has been afforded me, and being the Salt & Light that He has called me to be.

I know I will never do this perfectly but where I fall short, God’s grace will meet me to help continue on the path he has set me on.

Blessings

Views of the Confederate Flag

 

All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord’s Supper), and to prayer. A deep sense of awe came over them all, and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders. And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need.  They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity — all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved.

                                                                       Acts 2:42-47

This is perhaps my favorite depiction of the early church. It may not have been perfect but they united for the greater good of the community and the Gospel. But since its establishment, the enemy has done a good job of not only pitting the world against the Church but also the Church against herself. The news and social media has been proof of this and, for some time now, I’ve felt this ever increasing burden to say something. Therefore, this particular post goes out to my other brothers and sisters in Christ who seem adamant about continuing to fly the Confederate flag. My first question to them as well as any Christian living in the US is: Do you identify yourself as a Christian or an American first? This is an either/or statement not a both statement. Don’t try to say, “in this scenario I am X but in this scenario, I am Y”. Simply are you Christian or American first? My second question is: Did Jesus die for your personal rights as outlined in the US Constitution?

For a lot of my friends, the Confederate flag is a symbol of their Southern heritage. I get that! Many of you probably had ancestors who fought in the war on the side of the Confederacy. So yes, I can understand that side of the argument. Now here’s the other side of the argument that many of you almost want to ignore. That flag is also a symbol of hatred. It has flown over many lynchings, KKK and Neo Nazi rallies, and for the vast majority of the African American community, it is and will always be a symbol of hatred. That will probably never change.

So to my brothers and sisters who want THEIR right to fly/wear/hang this flag, I ask you again, what do you identify yourself as firstly, American or Christian? If you identify yourself as an American firstly and Christian secondly, then you have your right to freedom of expression or speech (whichever one you want to put this under). Fly your flag proudly because THAT IS YOUR RIGHT!

If you identify as a Christian firstly, then let me talk to you as a fellow believer. Jesus said the world would know we were His followers by how we love one another (John 13:34-35). Personally, if I love someone, I’m going to do what I can to show love to them: feed them, mourn with them, laugh with them, confront them when they are sinning, and change habits that I once had in order to show that their love is more important than my own personal habits . . . even if it means putting my pride to the side so that love might flourish. My friends, I ask that out of love and respect for your other brothers and sisters, you let this go. We’re not asking you to desecrate the memory of your loved ones, but there are other ways to honor the fallen dead.

Now if you believe that Jesus died for your personal rights as outlined in the US Constitution, then we need to have a different conversation.

The beauty of the Gospel is that people of different ethnicities, beliefs, socioeconomic statuses, and different customs are now ONE family through Jesus Christ. While the Constitution is a wonderful document, it is not more important than the message of the Gospel. The Gospel is a more unifying ideal than any man-made document out there . . . to me, it is greater than our own Constitution. Jesus did not come to establish a new ruling class or new earthly kingdom but a community, a church family that would love Him and His Father with all their hearts, souls, minds, and strength, AND love each other as themselves. No longer am I the focus but instead the glorification of God and showing His love to others is my main focus. “I have been crucified with Christ. It is not I who lives but Christ who lives in me” (Galatians 2:20).

Now before anyone thinks I am Anti-American or against our country, I am not. I love this country and the freedoms that I have been granted. BUT I am and will always be a Christian first and an American second. To be anything different than that would be to have something that is greater than my Father and that is not possible.

If you feel like you have to respond to this, I ask that you step back, put your pride to the side, pray and seek God on the response, then respond. I do not claim to have all the answers but after much prayer, this is what I felt was laid on my heart by my Father.

Yours in Christ.

Thoughts about Legacy

When reflecting on just my own family legacy in light of the Civil rights movement, I had many family members who participated in many of the nonviolent marches, sit-ins, and boycotts. Although my Great Aunt Ethel was a teacher, she would repeatedly go take the test that would allow her to become a registered voter even though she knew she would never pass because of laws in place to keep African Americans from voting. I think of my grandparents who would go without food and new clothes so that their children could eat and have a better life. I also think about my paternal grandmother who was unable to participate in many of the demonstrations because she taught school in several Alabama counties in order to better the next generation so that they would be equipped to tackle future problems. Needless to say, I have a powerful legacy that has been left to me! So as we approach Martin Luther King’s Day, I wanted to share some reflections about his legacy and how they can speak to our society today.

First, I want people to know you are more than your circumstances!  If you look at Dr. King and many of his contemporaries, you’ll see that they were average people like the rest of us: teachers, pastors, blue collar workers, farmers. They were ordinary people who struggled to make ends meet at home and who had even less freedom and privilege than we do today. . . Their lives were harder than ours are today. Yet, despite the hand they were dealt, they did not allow their circumstances to dictate their lives! At a time when the easy path would have been to accept the status quo OR to violently rise against the powers that were in place, Dr. King and others chose the harder path of nonviolent demonstration.

“The tongue holds the power of life or death”.

Being a pastor, Dr. King knew this passage very well, so when given the opportunity, he would use his words to speak truth and life into his friends, family, parishioners, even those who hated and opposed him.  In his famous “Letter from the Birmingham Jail”, Dr. King explained the reason for this approach to some of the white clergy of Birmingham who were criticizing his actions. He responded to their criticism with the following:

“Beyond this, I am in Birmingham because injustice is here. Just as the eighth-century prophets left their little villages and carried their “thus saith the Lord” far beyond the boundaries of their hometowns; and just as the Apostle Paul left his little village of Tarsus and carried the gospel of Jesus Christ to practically every hamlet and city of the Greco-Roman world, I too am compelled to carry the gospel of freedom beyond my particular hometown. Like Paul, I must constantly respond to the Macedonian call for aid.

Moreover, I am cognizant of the interrelatedness of all communities and states. I cannot sit idly by in Atlanta and not be concerned about what happens in Birmingham. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. Never again can we afford to live with the narrow, provincial “outside agitator” idea. Anyone who lives inside the United States can never be considered an outsider”

Sit and let that sink in. Those words that were written over fifty years ago still hold true today!

So how should we as Americans respond to this stirring letter? Do we meet violence with more violence or hate with more hate? If so, at what point does the change that so many people clamor for occur? After our cities are reduced to rubble and all lie dead in the streets?

THERE MUST BE A BETTER WAY! Thank God for great men and women like Dr. King who showed us there is always a better way!
The legacy of MLK calls for every person to look at themselves and the world around them then ask “Is this the world, I want my children to grow-up in?” If not, it calls for us to stand against injustice, in whatever form it might take, by taking the much more difficult path of boldness and courage not to retaliate with the “eye for an eye” mentality but instead to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

God Will Provide

Mursian Chronicles

      Abraham is the one biblical individual with whom I identify with the most. At times, his faith (like mine) was strong and rock solid, while at other times, it was very questionable. But when God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son (the long promised one through which he would continue his lineage), Isaac, he willingly led his son to the slaughter. As they approached the site where the sacrifice would occur, Isaac asked his father, “where is the lamb for the sacrifice?” To this, Abraham simply answered, “God will provide”. Now while I don’t have children of my own, I can only imagine what was going through his head as they climbed the mountain, as he and Isaac built the altar, as he tied Isaac up then placed him on that altar, and more chilling, as he held the knife mere inches away from his son. What amazing faith…

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waited long & endured patiently.

city on a hill

I took a deep breath and soaked in the sticky, Southern night as we walked hand in hand through the city, a real city that is. I felt refreshed and full of hope, despite the exhaustion and long day of traveling and waiting in the hospital for a new life. As my eyes wandered from building to building, taking in all the newness, I thought about how much has changed in my life since the man holding my hand walked in to it. For the first time in four years of moving to Alabama, I’ve felt more vision and daring to dream those off-the-wall kinda dreams that could only come from God since Bryan has been around. But let me say it’s not because we are getting married or because I’ve found “the one” and that’s all I’ve ever wanted… no, Bryan’s life and amazing heart colliding with mine was…

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I Don’t Trust God with the Heart – Tales of a Fifth Year Nurse

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

    I’m going to be honest with you, 2014 has not been my year. Even though I’ve completed a huge milestone in my life by becoming a Nurse Practitioner, I have gone through much more heartache, pain, ups and downs than I could have ever imagined. Honestly I want to tell God to let me off this roller coaster because I want to throw up. Even now writing this post, I still have pent up anger, frustration, and tears because I’m physically, emotionally, and spiritually running on fumes. I’m almost tired of talking to Him about the same things over and over with no answers being given.

Recently, I had a conversation with one of my dear friends, Kelly, and over the course of our talk, she asked me “Do you trust God with other people’s hearts”? Now, before I delve into that question, I should tell you that God has been deconstructing my Christianese (phrases/beliefs that we Christians have grown up learning and using but many times aren’t really sure what they mean). Don’t feel bad because I’m not calling anyone out on this because I’m guilty of the same things . . .”Give it over to God.” “Trust His timing,” “Let Him bear that burden.” “Rest in Him”, etc. Some I understand but others I say merely out of habit. It’s what I’m used to hearing, therefore I tell the same thing to others . . . and herein lies the problem. Why do I tell people something when I really don’t understand what it is I’m telling them?

So back to the question of “Do I trust God with others’ hearts”? After some time alone with Him, I realized I really don’t! I am a nurse. I chose this field because I want to fix (heal) people. I work in a Cardiovascular ICU that specializes in thoracic surgeries such as Open Heart Surgery, and often times, I am able to manipulate the heart to do what I need it to do in order to help it heal. I use medications, pacemakers, pacer wires, Iatraaortic Balloon Pumps, and a variety of other methods in order to increase or decrease the heart rate, decrease the workload of the heart, change heart rhythms, even stop the heart if needed.  I love that medicine has allowed for such advances but after some reflection, my nurse’s nature grates against God’s nature to heal. While I know, he has given me these abilities and knowledge, there does come a time, when emotional healing can only be done by Him, and that’s where I find I struggle with trusting Him.

So what does it mean to trust God? Honestly, I still don’t have an answer! Is it a physical action, a mental willing, or something completely different? I wish I could talk to some of the Biblical greats like David as he stood before Goliath, Noah while he was building the Ark, Nehemiah as he helped rebuild the walls of Jerusalem, Moses as he stood before Pharaoh on multiple occasions, even Jesus as He stood before the mob as they came to arrest Him just to get a small clue as what it means to trust God especially when things seem to be going against you. Maybe trust varies from person to person. Maybe some things are easier to trust God for than others. As for me, all I can do is pray, seek His presence, and trust that He will show me what that looks like for me. I’m pretty sure that trust will look differently to each of you, so don’t be discouraged if one way doesn’t work, try another way! Make it something personal between you and Him because in the end, all he wants is you to have faith in Him, in what He has done, and what He will do whether you can see the end result or not!

lessons from the Amazon River (and a chisel)

Dear Inkling

Inkling,

Iquitos, Peru took me by surprise.

I had my idea of how events would play out. My reactions to certain imaginary situations were premeditated and meticulously rehearsed. I planned to venture there only once. I wanted to place faces with names and then move on. I had heard about this middle-of-nowhere orphanage for years. How different could it be from the thousands of other middle-of-nowhere orphanages? But like the dock at Puerto Alegria, which juts abruptly into the Amazon River, dark eyes peered through wooden railings and caught me off guard. They were real. And they had real stories. And their real stories broke me down. The faces-with-names game crumbled like the granola bars inside my pack and I was helpless. No soul shield could protect me from loving them. Loving them hard.

I believe individuals are either given the gift of language learning, or not. I am found…

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